You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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