ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
