My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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