I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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