Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
