I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
A+ Viking dick
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize