my being single is dangerous.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I could fuck to npr.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
