Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
