Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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