Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
