im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
