let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
