my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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