I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
