someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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