If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
