What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
