Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
