if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
