when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
