this beer tastes like vomit already
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize