I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
