Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
