you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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