went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
