C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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