When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
