I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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