Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
