She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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