im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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