can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
