$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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