Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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