Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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