about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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