Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
