Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
