First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
