I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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