I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
