If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
