I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
