I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
