she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
