my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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