Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
