im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I touched a dick in church today
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