I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
