it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
