do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
