You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
