I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
