i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
