Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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