so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
