Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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