For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize