i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
NoShamevember. You game?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
