i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
