I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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