there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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