You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am puke
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
