I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
