HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
