I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
