he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
