Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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