I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
