I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
