mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
