my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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