that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
