brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
