I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
NoShamevember. You game?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
